My Music Playground

S.O.S

2009-11-18T17:51:00.006+08:00

Hey peeps! Its been a very very long time since I posted. Really long.

I don't know why but I've been feeling very tired these few days. Not just physically but emotionally, mentally too. Ever since intensive lessons ended, I've been slacking around and don't feel the need to start on my work. Well, actually I do but everytime I take my work out, I flip through and all my energy for work is gone. Just like that. I start to lose the feeling of wanting to work hard. I know that if I work really hard the next few years, my life will not be so tough. But, I just can't get my act together. My grades are slipping and are getting really bad. I really do want to do well. I want to show those people that abandon me, look down on me, that I can do well, be successful in life even without them. I somehow or rather lose that feeling whenever I look at my work. I know that I'm losing determination and all that but what can I do...

HELP!

But I really want to thank my friends for standing by me this year. Without you guys, I think I'll just give up on myself.

Thank You Jasmine! Thank You for being there for me whenever I need you. You always know how to cheer me up, make me look at thing from another perspective. I'm really sorry for ignoring you these few days, or giving you really short messages. I really don't know what's wrong with me these few days.

Thank You Gracious! Thank You for being that person that activates that crazy button in me. I really needed that. Thank You for being crazy over DBSK and Jaejoong with me, and for being yourself. I'm sorry if I've said anything wrong or did anything wrong. I'm sorry for calling you loser.

Thank You Theng Hiang! Thank You for being that math genius and for tolerating my craziness. Thank You for being there with me and coffee-ing with me. I'm sorry for being such a lousy partner.

Thank You Vivian! Thank You for making me laugh when I needed it. Thank You for being there to make me high. Thank You for being the crazy one that perks my life up. I'm sorry if I ever made you angry or insulted you.

Thank You Ruby! Thank You for being there with me. Thank You for being the "Chinese Tutor" to me. Thank You for tolerating me whenver I take your food. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you and sorry for taking you food.

Thank You Chun Hsin! Thank You for being yourself throughout this year. Thank You for being the smiley one. Thank You for your iTouch, letting us play Tap Tap, letting me watch Mirotic. I'm sorry for calling you stupid and stuff and yeah...

Thank You Yee Tin! Thank You for your wise brain and for being crazy over DBSK. Thank You for being yourself throughout the year. I'm sorry for whatever wrong I made towards you.

Thank You Ying Jia! Thank You for being yourseld, liking pink and milo and stuff. Thank You for being that "傻傻" one. I'm sorry if I ever hurt your feelings.

Thank You Wye Syn! Thank You for talking crap in Chinese lessons, bringing spice into our boring school life. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and ignoring you and yeah...

THANK YOU ATP!

THANK YOU DBSK!

THANK YOU 五月天！

hate my life

2009-10-28T21:13:00.003+08:00

Hey peeps!

Now that the exams are like way gone, I kinda missed it. At first, the first few days after the exams, I felt so relaxed. As time pass, I'm getting more and more stressed. Wondering if I should drop out of being a Senior Peer Lite. I'm in the logistic team so its quite busy, since a camp is coming up. The thing is, we haven't finish doing the t-shirt and all. The most pissing thing is that not everybody is doing. Its so damn stressful. The t-shirt supplier is also not helping as they are taking their own sweet honey time to get things done and the things haven't been finalized yet. Sometimes, I really felllike becoming a rebel and not care about school, about getting things right and perfect and being worried about getting scolded by teachers for something we did with all heart. I hate feeling this way. I envy those small childern. They are so innocent, no stress, no anything. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.

sometimes i just feel like giving life up...

Mixed Emotions

2009-10-14T18:38:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps!

Its been a really long time since i posted. My laptop has died... really died :( I want a laptop!!!

These few days, i have lots of mixed emotions, from friends, academic, cca, piano, even home. M

FRIENDS
Many say that friends are there to support you. I've experienced a broken friendship before. After that incident, i didn't accept other people as friends so quickly, always wary of if they have a motive to be around me. I was lucky and still is to be in ATP, you guys are a really great bunch of people and no words can express that. However, it seems like ever since we became Sec 3s and gone to different classes, everyone changed. Some turned out to be two-faced and all, but till the end, who's going to get hurt? You, not me. What's the point og going after those with authority and pretends to be close to those who seem 'popular and likeable' by others? Is it worth more than our friendship?

ACADEMIC
I dunno what's going on but i'm losing the strength to continue working hard. It seems like no matter how hard I try, the results are still like this. I dun understand chemistry. I sunno why. It seems so easy to the rest and the people around me are improving, except me. Did I make the wrong choice? Should I have just taken combined science? I feel so stupide and useless when I receive my papers. I'm scared, really scared...

CCA
I go for every single cca session, put in lots of hard work. Is it worth it?

PIANO
I practice really hard. Sometimes, I just feel like letting it go. It seems like how I do it, I can't get it. Its just so frustrating... But, what keeps me going, is the satisfaction I get when I get the notes, rhythm, beat and details correct. It is also the encouragemnet and the life lessons my teacher teaches me. Thank you so much.

HOME

I never thought this would happen to me but sometimes, I feel like running away from home. Sometimes after school, I don't feel like going back home. It seems like my brother gets 'protected' a lot. I just don't understand. When I was his age, I didn't have a elder sibling to help with my work 24/7. Why is it that he is entitled to all the help he can get from me? Why can't they understand that I need a break. Why can't they understand that I need my own space to breathe and think. I am not his slave, dictionary, reference book or answer key. I know what I'm doing but with them breathing down on me every minute, every second, I get very irritated. I know when I need to start studying, why do they need to remind every second they see me? I have studied like crazy during EOYs and throughout the year, don't I deserve a break?

get out of my life

2009-08-24T20:37:00.000+08:00

You think you are the only one with problems?
You think you are so cool at times...
Who are you? Why did you take over my friend's body?
What have you done to my friend?

I am so sick and tired of all this. Why do people have to change? Why can't things stay the same way as it had before? Is it oh-so-difficult for you to act normal? Get out of my life if you want to continue with this attitude of yours.

2009-07-20T19:45:00.000+08:00

It's been a really long time since i posted.

The world is getting scarier and scarier. Everybody seems so fake that it becomes so real. One moment she could be your best friend, the next, she stabs a knife into your back. Everywhere you go, people are like that. They only care about themselves. It seems like people are only trying to achieve these things: Authority/ Power, Wealth and Popularity. To get what they want, they'll do ANYTHING to get it. (includes using their friends and people around them)

People are also two-faced. 双面人. Its like, they could be talking about really bad stuff about you but when they see you, they act like they are your best friends.

The world is just this scary. Being honest to your friends, saves the friendship. But, does your friend do the same?

2009-05-24T18:12:00.000+08:00

I hate it when you boast about your results... I'm sad enough
I hate it when you complain about how bad your life is... Mine's worse
I hate it when you say you are tired... think of the rest who has much more stuff to do than you
I hate it when you say all that stuff that you have to endure at home... who don't have?
I hate it when you talk about your cca... Everyone's cca is unique
I hate it when you suck up to the teachers... it's gross
I hate it when you think you are popular... you're not
I hate it when you boast about your family background... so what? I treasure mine more
I hate it when you think you know it all... you're clueless
I hate it when you think you're better than me... everyone's special, nobody is better than anybody

Our friendship is over...

2009-03-02T18:56:00.000+08:00

OMG! i failed my physics terribly...
this is the very first time i failed my CT...
when i got back the paper, it took me like 5 mins to look at my marks...
when i saw my marks, it was a huge blow for me.
so huge, that i was speechless for the whole lesson.
( sorry, chunhsin, u were talking to me but i was like ignoring you. )

i wanted to cry, i know i will feel better if i let it out... i really wanted to cry...
but no tears came...

now i'm thinking if my appeal was the right choice, should i have just stick with lit?
I really am confused.

My body is collapsing... I can't go on anymore...
shouldn't it be time to end it all now?

2009-02-21T14:05:00.000+08:00

i'm sick and tired of my life.
DEPRESSED!
i think i'm gonna fail everything this year, i've never ever felt so scared in my life before.
its just horrible. the first time i ever cried after a paper. did make a mistake to appeal to 3A1? should i have just stayd in 3A3?

2009-02-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

"never judge a book by its cover."
translate from this sentence: "never judge a 'friend' by its first few actions"
time and time again, i see people getting hurt by friends.
now, a good friend of mine is too.
i know u r innocent, u would never have done such a thing.
M.Y, y must u do that?
where's ur conscience?
u were new to the sch, had no friends, they befriended u, treated u just like an ATP member if not better, y did u do that?
Do u know that ur 'reasons' do not match?
how could u look at what she was doing if she sat in front of u?
if she wanted to do it, y would she look at it on the table for everybody to see?
do u know how sad all her friends, true friends are, seeing her like that?
She may look happy and all, but her heart is strugglin to survive.
she is sad. get it? SAD! n y?
because of u... y did u have to come and destroy people's life?
U r worse than a tsunami, tornado and all other natural disasters.
nobody knows when u will strike again. who will it be?
the next closest person? U r inhuman!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

i feel so insecured.

is it because of the past?

y do i always rely oh-so-much on my frens?

i hate myself for doing that...

i used to get left out...

after leaving them,

its been a really hard time, finding a new clique who understands me, who is able to realte to me and one, that won't treat me like dirt...

i found one and i love them (as quoted from them) deep deep like the ocean, high high like the sky and tall tall like the skycrapers...

y do i still feel insecured????

i don't understand...

have they yet to unlock my heart?

cry

2008-10-29T15:56:00.000+08:00

I miss you guys..... and it's not even 2009...

Got back my report book ont the last day of school... lao shi gave me my report book and told me that the class i got in was 3A3, i think my eyes were turning red at that time cos lao shi said that 3A1 may not be the best choice as it will be very stressful. I could tell she was trying to console me or something. The rest of waht she said i did not really remember cos i was concentrating on not letting my tears fall. Whe n i stood up and walked into class through the back door, i couldn't hold in anymore. I started to cry. Ruby, yee tin and xin yu saw this and started to console me. Then for no reason ruby started to cry... and she has yet to see her report book. When everyone got back their report book... almost all of us were crying... be it joyous or sad. Then Jasmine started to cry... not beause of her results (mind you... she got into her first choice).. but because she is like me... the quiet kind who don't really interact with others... and she's scared that she will be in the new class alone... (jas: dun worry, u will make new friends)

I have no idea why i cry... i'm not really a person who cry easily... i didn't even cry when my paternal grandfather passed away last year.... i really have no idea... probably cos friends are that important to me...

no matter what.... ATP WILL NOT BREAK APART

E-O-Ys

2008-09-23T15:46:00.000+08:00

its the E-O-Ys, 3 down 7 to go... jia you everyone! tomorros is literature paper so i get to come home at around 10.45... e paper is 2h15min...super long. I think my hand will break tomorro.... ok i know that is exaggeration. right... i have a piece of good news to share! I passed my grade 7! Hip Hip Hip Hooray! I was so scared that i wouldn't pass. The class photos are out.... i think it'll loook beeter without some people...anyway, that's life! it's unfair!
ok... latest update, ATP outing will be on 2 October... we'll most likely go to bugis or cineleisure... meet at 10.30/11.00. either at srgn stn or J8. the only thing i'm looking forward to now is the outing and the end of the E-O-Ys. gotta go now... c ya ppl! :D

2008-07-03T12:04:00.001+08:00

Whoohoo!
I am a nice cottonball.

I FEEL FORTUNATE

2008-07-02T18:15:00.000+08:00

Freedom is a choice.

After today's English class, I felt so fortunate. We talked about poverty in the third-world countries. The children there had to go through so much suffering just to earn that few cents to help with the family's finance. Some are sold as child sex slave, sold as child labour or their mothers sold them away so as to get money to feed the rest of his siblings. Its just so sad... Poverty is wanting to die, but can't afford to do so. Poverty is getting water by pumping from a well insted of opening a tap. HOWEVER, Poverty is also a luxury with happiness filled in them as you work together, bonded as a family instead of being wealthy but lack happiness in life. Life is just so unfair...

2008-06-18T09:50:00.000+08:00

十二年前，明克的爸爸将被派到美国工作，所以明克必须随着爸爸一起到那儿。对五岁的明克来说，他还真舍不得离开和他一起长大的好朋友，丽珍。道别时，他把妈妈过世时留给他纪念的项链送给丽珍，对她说：“这是我妈妈留给我的项链，现在我把它交给你，你得好好珍惜它！”说完，转身就走。他就冲冲忙忙的走掉，是因为他不想让丽珍看到他的泪水流下脸颊。走了一会儿，他听见丽珍追着他，叫住他，他停了脚步，抹掉泪水，勉强地把笑容戴上脸上。丽珍跑向他，紧紧地拥抱他。那个拥抱是那么的温暖，但也令人很心酸。他们不知何再相见。日后，丽珍就一直戴着那条项链。在世界的另一个角落里，明克一直在回想和丽珍一起快乐的日子，永远不会忘记丽珍，这个美丽的名字。
十二年后，明克和父亲回来新加坡。明克所读的中学，真巧和离开多年的丽珍，是同校。在学院里，他听见同学叫着丽珍的名字，因已隔了十二年，他并不认得丽珍但看到那条项链，就很确定这个女孩是他所思念的丽珍。为了让丽珍知道自己对她的感觉，明克开始写诗送给她。但明克没把名字写在诗里，他以为丽珍不知道他以回来了。其实，丽珍已知道明克回来了，也知道他在自己的学校里读书。因为听周围的同学说关于她的一切，明克才知道丽珍喜欢听他人弹奏钢琴，就去学钢琴，想为丽珍弹奏。最后，丽珍知道明克正在为她努力的学弹钢琴，不久她与明克见面了。从此，明克每天都为丽珍弹奏动听的情歌。

This is my Chinese hw... people help me check and feel free to comment :D

last week

2008-06-17T17:33:00.000+08:00

Is life really just a journey?

What will happen when we reach the end of the journey?

Its the last week of holidays already! WOW! time really flies past quickly!!!! Next week, i will be off to camp. Yet, i still have unfinished work left to do better go do now... bye!

long long time

2008-06-06T16:14:00.000+08:00

it's been a really long time since i came to post... hmmm. i have a few things to talk about...

Firstly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JING RONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A pity u can'y be with us on this wonderful day.. :( may happiness follow you!

Next, I went to the science centre with jas, wys syn n xin yu that day! So fun! i was apparently frightened when we were at the 'virus' section coz' when u step in, there was this loud noise with air spraying towards u... but then, at the end, i was there smacking at every virus picture i could see! then at the 'technology' section, there was this game... i call it the 'smack-smack' game... very fun! it was a good workout.. haha.. that day was very fun!

found some pictures on the web... here to share with u :)

a spoon with a cherry???

that's me!!

COMMON TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-04-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

hi ppl!
just changed my skin... all thanks to jing rong!!! Thanks so much! :)

Cts are coming ppl... so much to study, so little time...

I now pronounce that Cts are scary monsters that ruin ppl's lives...

2008-03-30T18:21:00.000+08:00

yo ppl!
had sports day on friday! though very sunny... but nice!
haha
lolx
i screamed a lot... and painted my hand with the word "CHEW"
chew house came in champion for primary school and overall... dodsworth came in champion for sec. school... archer came in champion for mass cheer. WOOH!!!!!!!!!
mine right arm now have print of the word chew on it... the ink sort of 'protectes' from the sunlight. lolx.
will post pics some other time. :D

projects

2008-03-18T18:27:00.000+08:00

projects...projects... more PROJECTS!!!!!

so much projects... finally finish english project ... so proud of it! :)

now i am rushing through lit...

chinese hw : create a chinese blog... so cool rite?

tomorrow got bowling lesson.. (sob) :(

let me post some photos of us at bowling alley from the week before last week...

me n ruby!

me n xin yu!

ruby + iris + xin yu = friends!

2008-02-28T18:51:00.000+08:00

Today, got my results for history and HCL... not good.. not good...
Amongst all my results, only my physics is what i am proud of :)

a skit by us for pw!

Commont test + results = DEPRESSION!

2008-02-26T18:45:00.000+08:00

Its been a really long time since i blogged. Thought i would revive it. CTs are finally over! But my results are not ideal... sniff...
Racoon has been gone for almost 2 months now... kinds miss her.. and for the last time, racoon, i am NOT les!

2007-12-26T18:18:00.000+08:00

nice christmas tree rite?

2007-12-26T18:13:00.000+08:00

us outside the school after bizworld competition....

AHH!!! yingjia being attacked by the ice-cream!! haha...

2007-12-26T11:20:00.000+08:00

hey!
i am here to revive my blog... its dying (again!)

i am going to update photos

us after bizworld competition

2007-10-03T15:41:00.000+08:00

hey ppl
had funfair on saturday. will update photos later,...
i am at xinyu's house now... doing math project

MAYDAY ROX

tat's all folks
tata
iris

~music add colours to my life ~

bored

2007-09-19T16:55:00.000+08:00

hi people!
just super bored... decided to revive my blog... it seems dying.
I am at Wye Syn house now. We ate pizza for lunch.

2007-09-04T08:20:00.000+08:00

second day of the holiday... wishing term 4 will come earlier.
My mother and i baked coffee bread yesterday but the dough got too sticky. In the end, it still tasted nice. :)

2007-09-03T15:34:00.000+08:00

its been a really long time since i wrote! everyone thought my blog was dead!
recently got back my results for term 3... not good. definitely not good....
i got a C5!!!! OMG! however, i got a A1! YES!

Oh... I have a confession...
I LURV DONUTS!

2007-07-16T20:14:00.001+08:00

testing x)

2007-05-16T11:47:00.000+08:00

AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
my chinese compo so bad!!!!!!!!!!!
all marks deducted unnecessry cos' of my wrong words!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i wana cry

sleepy day

2007-05-10T14:46:00.000+08:00

2morro geog exam!!!!
I have yet 2 familiarise myself wif e facts!
Moi blog has become so perfect all thx 2 yee tin!

haha-ing day

2007-05-09T12:01:00.001+08:00

haha