Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Hey peeps! Its been a very very long time since I posted. Really long.
I don't know why but I've been feeling very tired these few days. Not just physically but emotionally, mentally too. Ever since intensive lessons ended, I've been slacking around and don't feel the need to start on my work. Well, actually I do but everytime I take my work out, I flip through and all my energy for work is gone. Just like that. I start to lose the feeling of wanting to work hard. I know that if I work really hard the next few years, my life will not be so tough. But, I just can't get my act together. My grades are slipping and are getting really bad. I really do want to do well. I want to show those people that abandon me, look down on me, that I can do well, be successful in life even without them. I somehow or rather lose that feeling whenever I look at my work. I know that I'm losing determination and all that but what can I do...
HELP!
But I really want to thank my friends for standing by me this year. Without you guys, I think I'll just give up on myself.
Thank You Jasmine! Thank You for being there for me whenever I need you. You always know how to cheer me up, make me look at thing from another perspective. I'm really sorry for ignoring you these few days, or giving you really short messages. I really don't know what's wrong with me these few days.
Thank You Gracious! Thank You for being that person that activates that crazy button in me. I really needed that. Thank You for being crazy over DBSK and Jaejoong with me, and for being yourself. I'm sorry if I've said anything wrong or did anything wrong. I'm sorry for calling you loser.
Thank You Theng Hiang! Thank You for being that math genius and for tolerating my craziness. Thank You for being there with me and coffee-ing with me. I'm sorry for being such a lousy partner.
Thank You Vivian! Thank You for making me laugh when I needed it. Thank You for being there to make me high. Thank You for being the crazy one that perks my life up. I'm sorry if I ever made you angry or insulted you.
Thank You Ruby! Thank You for being there with me. Thank You for being the "Chinese Tutor" to me. Thank You for tolerating me whenver I take your food. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you and sorry for taking you food.
Thank You Chun Hsin! Thank You for being yourself throughout this year. Thank You for being the smiley one. Thank You for your iTouch, letting us play Tap Tap, letting me watch Mirotic. I'm sorry for calling you stupid and stuff and yeah...
Thank You Yee Tin! Thank You for your wise brain and for being crazy over DBSK. Thank You for being yourself throughout the year. I'm sorry for whatever wrong I made towards you.
Thank You Ying Jia! Thank You for being yourseld, liking pink and milo and stuff. Thank You for being that "傻傻" one. I'm sorry if I ever hurt your feelings.
Thank You Wye Syn! Thank You for talking crap in Chinese lessons, bringing spice into our boring school life. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and ignoring you and yeah...
THANK YOU ATP!
THANK YOU DBSK!
THANK YOU 五月天！
{/5:51 PM}
Au Revoir!.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Hey peeps!
Now that the exams are like way gone, I kinda missed it. At first, the first few days after the exams, I felt so relaxed. As time pass, I'm getting more and more stressed. Wondering if I should drop out of being a Senior Peer Lite. I'm in the logistic team so its quite busy, since a camp is coming up. The thing is, we haven't finish doing the t-shirt and all. The most pissing thing is that not everybody is doing. Its so damn stressful. The t-shirt supplier is also not helping as they are taking their own sweet honey time to get things done and the things haven't been finalized yet. Sometimes, I really felllike becoming a rebel and not care about school, about getting things right and perfect and being worried about getting scolded by teachers for something we did with all heart. I hate feeling this way. I envy those small childern. They are so innocent, no stress, no anything. LIFE IS SO UNFAIR.
sometimes i just feel like giving life up...
{/9:13 PM}
Au Revoir!.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Hey peeps!
Its been a really long time since i posted. My laptop has died... really died :( I want a laptop!!!
These few days, i have lots of mixed emotions, from friends, academic, cca, piano, even home. M
FRIENDS
Many say that friends are there to support you. I've experienced a broken friendship before. After that incident, i didn't accept other people as friends so quickly, always wary of if they have a motive to be around me. I was lucky and still is to be in ATP, you guys are a really great bunch of people and no words can express that. However, it seems like ever since we became Sec 3s and gone to different classes, everyone changed. Some turned out to be two-faced and all, but till the end, who's going to get hurt? You, not me. What's the point og going after those with authority and pretends to be close to those who seem 'popular and likeable' by others? Is it worth more than our friendship?
ACADEMIC
I dunno what's going on but i'm losing the strength to continue working hard. It seems like no matter how hard I try, the results are still like this. I dun understand chemistry. I sunno why. It seems so easy to the rest and the people around me are improving, except me. Did I make the wrong choice? Should I have just taken combined science? I feel so stupide and useless when I receive my papers. I'm scared, really scared...
CCA
I go for every single cca session, put in lots of hard work. Is it worth it?
PIANO
I practice really hard. Sometimes, I just feel like letting it go. It seems like how I do it, I can't get it. Its just so frustrating... But, what keeps me going, is the satisfaction I get when I get the notes, rhythm, beat and details correct. It is also the encouragemnet and the life lessons my teacher teaches me. Thank you so much.
HOME
I never thought this would happen to me but sometimes, I feel like running away from home. Sometimes after school, I don't feel like going back home. It seems like my brother gets 'protected' a lot. I just don't understand. When I was his age, I didn't have a elder sibling to help with my work 24/7. Why is it that he is entitled to all the help he can get from me? Why can't they understand that I need a break. Why can't they understand that I need my own space to breathe and think. I am not his slave, dictionary, reference book or answer key. I know what I'm doing but with them breathing down on me every minute, every second, I get very irritated. I know when I need to start studying, why do they need to remind every second they see me? I have studied like crazy during EOYs and throughout the year, don't I deserve a break?
{/6:38 PM}
Au Revoir!.
Monday, August 24, 2009
You think you are the only one with problems?
You think you are so cool at times...
Who are you? Why did you take over my friend's body?
What have you done to my friend?
I am so sick and tired of all this. Why do people have to change? Why can't things stay the same way as it had before? Is it oh-so-difficult for you to act normal? Get out of my life if you want to continue with this attitude of yours.
{/8:37 PM}
Au Revoir!.
Monday, July 20, 2009
It's been a really long time since i posted.
The world is getting scarier and scarier. Everybody seems so fake that it becomes so real. One moment she could be your best friend, the next, she stabs a knife into your back. Everywhere you go, people are like that. They only care about themselves. It seems like people are only trying to achieve these things: Authority/ Power, Wealth and Popularity. To get what they want, they'll do ANYTHING to get it. (includes using their friends and people around them)
People are also two-faced. 双面人. Its like, they could be talking about really bad stuff about you but when they see you, they act like they are your best friends.
The world is just this scary. Being honest to your friends, saves the friendship. But, does your friend do the same?
{/7:45 PM}
Au Revoir!.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I hate it when you boast about your results... I'm sad enough
I hate it when you complain about how bad your life is... Mine's worse
I hate it when you say you are tired... think of the rest who has much more stuff to do than you
I hate it when you say all that stuff that you have to endure at home... who don't have?
I hate it when you talk about your cca... Everyone's cca is unique
I hate it when you suck up to the teachers... it's gross
I hate it when you think you are popular... you're not
I hate it when you boast about your family background... so what? I treasure mine more
I hate it when you think you know it all... you're clueless
I hate it when you think you're better than me... everyone's special, nobody is better than anybody
Our friendship is over...
{/6:12 PM}
Au Revoir!.
Monday, March 2, 2009
OMG! i failed my physics terribly...
this is the very first time i failed my CT...
when i got back the paper, it took me like 5 mins to look at my marks...
when i saw my marks, it was a huge blow for me.
so huge, that i was speechless for the whole lesson.
( sorry, chunhsin, u were talking to me but i was like ignoring you. )
i wanted to cry, i know i will feel better if i let it out... i really wanted to cry...
but no tears came...
now i'm thinking if my appeal was the right choice, should i have just stick with lit?
I really am confused.
My body is collapsing... I can't go on anymore...
shouldn't it be time to end it all now?
{/6:56 PM}
Au Revoir!.
